About two and a half years ago I was still struggling to release the last 10 pounds of baby weight. My youngest daughter was five years old at the time. In today’s culture, where we receive messages about “lose the baby weight in three months” like many celebrities in the media, five years sounds ridiculous.
Anyone who knows me now would not think I ever had difficulty releasing excess weight however after my pregnancies, while nursing, I actually gained weight. No matter what I did–Paleo, GAPS Diet, Tracy Anderson crazy workouts and soup diet–NOTHING WORKED. It was incredibly frustrating. I felt helpless, unattractive and eventually I just gave up.
I began releasing the bulk of the weight about two years AFTER I finished nursing my youngest child–she was three at the time. I was going through a separation leading to divorce and started to get my independence back. It was a process of relearning who I was and mourning who I had let myself become in a very emotionally toxic marriage. The extra weight released sloooooooooooowly. Really, it was less than a pound a week. At the time I was doing the high fat very restrictive bulletproof diet. Then I found out I had an overabundance of cold dampness and needed to only consume small amounts of fat and warming foods. This also continued to work at a snail’s pace.
I learned to have patience with myself, my body and my process.
“What happened two and a half years ago?” you may be asking yourself. Well, I was in Washington D.C. visiting my mom and I had begun doing a process called Holodynamics that enables us to talk to our bodies and receive messages. I laid down with the intention of connecting with the excess fat surrounding my body. I began my process and, to make a long story short, the message I received from my body was, “you are holding on to this weight as an allegiance to mom.” What the fat wanted to become was a free butterfly with the message of, “you can love mom, even if you’re not like her.”
My entire life my mom, grandmother and aunt were always talking about needing to lose more weight. They were constantly speaking negatively about their shape and size. It was pervasive in our family. I must say that it was not an accurate viewpoint as my mother and grandmother were and have always been relatively thin. This body dysmorphia is so common today, especially with women.
I finished my Holodynamics process. This was the result: Within one week I had released seven pounds. I know it sounds crazy. I did not change a thing. I was doing yoga once per week and hiking once per week before and after this process. I continued eating my Coconut Bliss (guilty pleasure) ice cream. I truly did not change a thing. And I was ecstatic every time I stepped on the scale to see a drop in the number (another blog to come about learning about egoic identification with the number on the scale) that came EFFORTLESSLY.
I had been holding on to those extra pounds out of love for my mother. In Bert Hellinger’s family constellation work he describes, “…when people go down a certain path, for example, a path of suffering, they go down this path with love, even if their love is distorted or blind.”
He goes on to say, “It’s gradually become clear to me that clients have a strong tendency to use their strength to hold on to their problems an to avoid solutions. That has to do with the fact that psychological problems, unhappiness or symptoms give us an inner assurance that we’ll be allowed to continue to belong to our group. Suffering is the proof our child soul needs that we’re not guilty with respect to our family. It secures and protects our right to belong to our family. Every unhappiness that’s caused by systemic entanglement is accompanied by the deep contentment of knowing that we belong.”
When I work with clients I often find they have unconsciously become a match to symptoms of disease or life circumstances as a way to honor someone in their ancestry line. Our baby soul does this when it tries to carry something from someone who came before them in order to “help.” The intention is always good. However, when we carry these ancestral wounds or traumas or responsibilities, it isn’t truly ours it creates an imbalance in the family system and in our lives.
The first step to allowing the answers and change to come to us is to admit that we are powerful creators and we are 100% responsible for everything in our lives. All of this information is located in our subconscious mind. This is how we take back our power. This is how we begin to change our lives. And yes, it can be scary and confronting when we begin to examine everything we’ve experienced and connect the dots to how or why we were a willing participant to all of our own pain and suffering. In this process, the most important piece is to remember that everything we’ve ever created was with the intent of love, belonging and good. Even in the worst circumstances, we must find self compassion.