Every parent has experienced a moment of feeling triggered by our child’s behavior.
We find ourselves making the same faces and gestures our parents made when we did something “unacceptable.” We might want to scream at them, send them away to their room, hit them and really teach them a lesson.
Children only act out because of trauma they’ve experienced or because they are experiencing big emotions inside of their little bodies and they need our help to feel them.
If we shut down this part of them, it will be relegated to their “shadow,”–cue issues they will be working on for a large part of their adult life.
Instead, if we look at the OPPORTUNITY that is before us and bring our light of unconditional presence to this aspect of them and illuminate it they are able to regain clarity and become the connected, happy divine filled essence we know they truly are.
Their poor behaviors triggers us as parents because we haven’t learned to validate our own shadow emotions. If we don’t do it for ourselves, we can never authentically provide the approval and validation for our child’s shadow either.
Most parents skip this step and therefore as their children grow they too learn to shun their shadow, keeping it in the darkness, and the cycle continues.
The act of naming our shadow, acknowledging it, giving it our presence and validating it is the simplest way to shine the light on it so that it doesn’t continue to loom in the darkness and control us. Simply put, when we are able to stop, step outside of our initial reaction, and become the observer we regain our power.
It works the same way with our children.
How to validate shadow emotions (yours and your child’s):
1. Name the emotion.
2. Validate the emotion.
3. Be unconditionally present with the emotion without agenda (be patient). Often it can help to animate the emotion creating a picture in your mind of what that emotion looks like. Talk to it. Send the message, “I’m here with you now” or “It’s completely safe for you to be here as long as you need to.” It may or may not have a message for you.
4. Allow it to move or dissipate when it’s ready.
Our worst pain is felt when we hide, dissociate and resist our authentic higher selves. Our higher self has no value system around a “bad” feelings or “good” feelings.
Having a human experience means the entire spectrum of emotions. We could never truly know happiness if we do not experience the contrasting pain, fear or sadness.
Our higher self wants to be acknowledged and whole. Here we find the rich, fullness of life which resides inside of each of us.